I vaguely remember dreaming about having a casual conversation with my brother. It was nice, and it seemed so real.
My sister’s level of passion amazes me sometimes. There was a little mishap with Evey and Louie last week, so a few days ago, my sister made some time to return to her primary school to ask the Vice Principal for some advice on how to care for rabbits because the Vice Principal was the primary carer of the school rabbit. She did not tell my family or anyone else about her plans and not because she wanted to hide it but because she thought it would be a typical thing to do. My grandpa was waiting outside the school for her while she was asking her questions for fifteen minutes. Although I know that my sister is confident and is a very caring girl, things like this still get me and still makes me think, wow, my sister really is growing up and she really is an amazing girl. I have no reason to be but I get nervous over the thought of going to my primary school and she does that so easily. Further, although it is something you can simply Google on the internet, she actually went to confide in someone - she dedicated some time to get out of her way to ask someone with experience, rather than spend five minutes searching online. She has always been a lover of animals but when Evey and Louie ran away, she said she wasn’t really that sad because she didn’t spend a lot of time with them for her to develop some sort of attachment. Even so, when my parents got them back, she went to do something about it to make sure the bunnies are better looked after and so that it would never happen again. Although J isn’t a good reader of emotions and is pretty lazy, she has a big heart and when she feels strongly about something, she makes an effort to get it done and will do a lot to achieve. I don’t know whom exactly she’ll become as a fully matured individual or where life will lead her, but I know that she has the potential to be great. Afterall, my younger sister inspired me to get out of my comfort zone and make changes to myself. Things like this make me see how brightly she can shine and I don’t want even a fraction of that energy extinguished. I didn’t have a mentor during my development phase and stage of finding my identity, so I know how easily one’s self-esteem and faith can be crushed by society and the people around us, and how much that can impede on one’s development. Hence, I have aimed to facilitate the growth of the spark inside her, to give her guidance rather than point her the directions, to let her choose and encourage her to choose to be the good that she wants to be and to do the good that she wants to do. Even so, J is growing up so, so quickly I have a feeling that she probably doesn’t even need me as much as I think she does, she will very quickly find her own way on her own. The woman she is yet to be, probably would still be one of my greatest inspirations.
Stranger dash asked to meet up for lunch and I did and will not respond. God fricking damn it, lol. I feel like I’ve been pushed into a corner and I feel like a horrible person.